Yes! I want to work!

Yes! I realize that I am in a market that is so over saturated with photographers that I am retarded for living here. Yes! I realize that no one really wants to give you a chance and Yes! the economy blows right now. But I want to work. I am trying to work and I feel like no matter how hard I try, nothing is coming out of it. Today...my heart sort of hit rock bottom. So I came up with this crazy idea to try to market myself to people who have pets. First I tried the lazy way....craigslist. Craigslist is so retarded when it comes to trying to find work. No one in their right mind should ever look for work on Craigslist! Why? Craigslist is for bargain shoppers. I know for a fact if I do photo jobs on craigslist, I will hate myself by the end of it because I would have to charge $100 for a job that I would normally charge at least $500+ for. And when you tell someone how much you actually charge, they reply trying to "burn you" by saying how overpriced your work is, how there are tons of photographers on the site who will do what your doing for less and basically you are ridicules for trying to make ends meat. Craigslist will make you hate your life. It makes you think less of yourself. Makes you doubt every ability that you have. As for me, I am a specialized photographer so of course I can charge more. I offer something that extremely few can. I spent over 2 years trying to get to where I am now in image minuplation. Took forever because I had to figure out a lot of it on my own. I was stupid and thought it would be a good idea to offer myself as a photo consultant on Craigslist. I was charging $100/hr which I feel is good compared to people who do photo classes or conventions for hundreds of dollars. And I feel like I would be able to cover a lot more stuff too. This guy was interested, found out it was $100/hr and then said, "wow, that's so much. If I do it, I want my stuff to become your style. You can just show me how to make my stuff look like yours in photoshop." First off, my style is my baby. I am not giving my baby to anyone! That is priceless to me due to all the time spent on it. For $100 he felt that was how much learning how to do my style was worth. I refuse to even write him back after that. I feel like I have been pissed on. I know I am not worthless but dang....that really hurt.
So today I went around promoting myself to people who work at any place pet related in Beverly Hills and Santa Monica (the richer cities). I gave business cards that looked like this:I told all the people I gave it to if I got clients from it and they were refered to me by them, I would give them $50 for every person they brought me. Sounds like a good idea right? I had to go home an hour early because my heart was just on the floor. Everyone is either a skeptic and it doesn't seem like it is going to happen or they already have a photographer. One place I went to called Urbantails on Beverly Blvd. had a loft with this photographer who has been doing portraits for them from the start. I felt so stupid even going in there but the owner was nice and let me just put business cards out on the table. The other place I went to asking about it, I had to stop towards the end of my deal offer and say, "judging by your face....you get this a lot...yes?" He said, "first of all, yes. Second, we have a paying customer who does animal portraits so we only recommend him." That was when I decided to quit for the day. That guy went from being super friendly at the start of our conversation to being very blunt making me feel like I should just go as fast as possible. I basically had to throw a card toward him as a "just in case" which probably came off as "im a jack-ass heeeee haaawwwww heeeee haawwwwww." I think what bummed me out is how we as people in LA have just been burned by everyone. So much to where making an honest easy buck is just as bad as stealing. All they would have to do is say, "hey, I know this guy who does great pet photography if your interested." Give them a card and if they come through, the person would get $50 for promoting me. I thought I would go into this with people being stoked on it. People being able to have a chance to make even more money while they work. It's so funny, I just want to work and yet I feel like I am worthless because no one wants me. In a moment of desperation this last week, I filled out 10 applications to 10 different Starbucks. I....just....want....to....work. I want human interaction. I want conversation. I want myself to become human again. I feel like I am loosing myself to a city. A city that doesn't even deserve it. I want to work. I do. But I am running out of options and that is starting to scare me.