CHRISTmas Merry

So Merry Christmas to all. My big gift this year was a new modifier for my ring flash. I already had the 56 inch octibank along with a cookie that re-creates another ring flash that is diffused. Pure awesome. But I wanted to get the 36 inch octibank for my ring flash....but this one comes with tons of cookies that will make awesome catch lights in the eyes. As you can see, the example of my dad was done in no time at all in my back yard. I just wanted to see how it would work. I think I want to use this for more of my dog photography. We will see :) Either way, I am stoked to have it.

In years passing, seasons and life's outlooks change so much. When I think about it, I am so oppisite from what I used to be. I used to love rainy days with no sun in sight. I used to love the night. I used to feel like I was on estacy when November and December came around. Now, I only want sun, I am basically afraid of the night and I felt practically homeless this winter. I felt so out of my element. Last year I broke a 5 year tradition. I always make duct tape cards, write on them with sharpie and deliver them at 3am Christmas morning to all my friends. Last year, I was so out of it and just so burnt out that I didn't have it in me to do it. I was tired of a lot of my friends taking my deliveries for grantit. And this year, I ended up making 7 cards for 7 deliveries at 4am. But this year was different. I didn't care if one person even said thanks. I finally understood what giving is. You give because it is an action that does not need human aproval. Giving just makes you a better person. It is a very humanizing and Christ like action. When you sacrafice the reward of giving for the reward of people and their opinions, you will always feel empty in the end. Driving around in the dark this morning made me realize how much my heart has been wanting to give and how much my body has not allowed it. I love to give though. I have become so consumed with trying to make it in the industry that I forgot how to give. The more I tried to find myself and my place in the world, the more I lost sight of who I was. The more.....I began to hate myself. There is a song by Mewithoutyou where the lyrics say "The glass can only spill what it contains." It is so true though. I have had nothing to spill. Being home has made me realize this. Hopefully, I can put my faith in God and He will fill the glass once more.

Gifts are funny. Today was proof that the most expensive gift is not always going to be the best gift. Out of all the gifts I got today, only two really matter to me. First would be all the different ways my parents would try to write the To: and From:. They would make up all these funny lines about things that has happened in the last year. For one of them they wrote To: The Papa Poser From: Your not so photogenic parents (in reference to my photo series I did with my Grandpa and how my mom blinks any time you ever try to take a picture of her. Its pretty funny). I kept every one. The second gift that I treasured most was a gift my dad gave to me. It was my first orniment. He teaches wood shop at the high school and he made me it. Its a wooden white snow flake with a pinguin waving on it. So preacious. That gift alone made my Christmas. I loved it. Just the compassion, time and love that had to go into making it. It was the best gift I got today. I love my family. I am so blessed to have such loving parents and awesome brothers. Really....I am so blessed....